I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
