omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
