You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
