so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
