Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
