I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
