When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
