community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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