The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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