He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
