So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
