"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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