How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
