GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
