Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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