wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
