I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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