You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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