Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think my tv is drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
