I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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