Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
