I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How does one acquire holy water?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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