I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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