6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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