Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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