i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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