my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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