Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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