I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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