when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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