fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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