Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
