Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
