I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
