He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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