I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
