My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dear god my vagina.
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