cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
