Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
