Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

(770): View more from Georgia

b/c u have herpes

(310): View more from California

No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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(559): View more from California

I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.

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(419): View more from Ohio

When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.

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(503): View more from Oregon

the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.

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