Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
