At least make sure they are 18
Why
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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