By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
