i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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