Too much gin, very little bucket
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize