and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize