Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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