dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
