where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
