oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize