Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
