so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
