He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
