He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
