I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
