Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
