just tell him i said nine months
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
