I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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