New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
