y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
