Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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