Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
