Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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