Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
