I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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