why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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