what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize