The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
