dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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