Someone shit on the floor
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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