12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
