Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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