When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
