Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
