I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
